I began writing daily to-do lists a few months ago; not your normal run-of-the-mill lists that everyone writes. But one that actually has a name: the daily docket. I was overwhelmed with all of my responsibilities, late one night after everyone was asleep. I was elbow-deep in dirty dishes, standing on some kind of mysterious goop on the kitchen floor and staring straight ahead--nearly catatonic--while I rehearsed in my head all the things I had yet to finish before bedtime that night. Things I knew wouldn't get done because I'd eventually give into my body's desperate pleas to just call it a night. Inevitably, the unfinished business would snowball into the next day's business, and upon waking at 6:43 am to the cries of a hungry infant and a toddler who has pooped in his pull-up instead of the potty (yet again), I would hit the ground running as usual.
My ever-encouraging friend sent me a link to an awesome blog called Simple Mom. I loved this woman's posts because it seemed I could relate to them so often. She had a to-do list that she created for herself to keep her life sane, called the daily docket. Sounds a little type-A, I know. But as many of you may have figured out already, I am NOT Type-A...I'm probably type-Z...and so, a little bit of A couldn't hurt! So I excitedly printed out this "daily docket" and began to organize my life.
But as I did so--usually the night before each day's entry--I filled up the lists so fast, my blood pressure seemed to go up as each new bullet point was added. I can certainly WRITE all of these things, but can I DO them? With 24 hours in a day--the simple answer (or question) is, "ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!"
My response to myself: yes. That's why I'm looking for guidance!
Last night, through tears, I shared my concerns and asked Matt to pray with me. I want to do what God would have me do. What does He want for my life? For my days? For my very minutes? Do all of these little "things" that seem so necessary really have that much significance? Some of them do. And some of them don't. My challenge is weeding out the ones that don't, picking myself up, dusting myself off, and resigning myself to the fact that I am human. There are only so many hours in a day, so much a person can physically handle.
This means I will have to start saying NO.
This means I will not bow to the expectations that people put upon me. My question to myself--a notorious people-pleaser in my family--is this: Are you displeasing God by saying no? (or by NOT doing this or that?) Even if it disappoints someone, that doesn't always mean that God is disappointed. That's why there is so much freedom as a Christian--a follower of Christ. If I am saying no to someone I care about because it's the better decision for my immediate family, that pleases God. That person may be disappointed, even upset...but I should be free of any false guilt that would normally ensue because of my decision. I soooo envy my husband, who let's the thoughts of others roll off his back like water off a duck's back. They don't affect him, deter him, influence him, upset him or change him. That's one of the many reasons God put us together--he balances me out and speaks the truth in love when I need it most.
Do you feel like you're in too deep? Let me know! I'd love to hear your comments. :)
3 comments:
I just found your blog from your comment left on Simple Mom. I love all the practical and fun things she writes about. I am giggling so much right now because I can TOTALLY relate. The part about being a type "Z" cracked me up. I'm definitely in need of organization and doing "type-A" things isn't a bad thing. I too, am a people-pleaser and my husband is soooo easy going. He has certainly helped me say no to things. So, the first thing that works for me is to just simply ask my husband. He can usually see things I don't see and can help make the decision to do or not do the activity. Coupled with prayer, I see that my sweetie is God's human voice I need to hear to confirm if God is really in it. And that leads me to the second thing we do (which is directly linked to the first) we sit down and look afresh at our mission statement for our family and see if the activity helps us achieve the goals we've set for ourselves. Naturally, as the kids grow, our mission statement changes. Hope this helps and is an encouragement to you. Remember, we are here to glorify God and enjoy Him forever! :D
oh kristin--first i have to say, amen,amen and amen. I feel that way all the time. and i feel like a failure because there is dog hair and a dust bunny in the corner of the wood floor (even though i swept/mopped it on MONDAY!) I dont keep up with everything...just can't. It feels so "alone" but obviously ...we aren't alone in our struggle to keep "everyone" happy, clean our floors, take out the garbage, and make a healthy meal for our family....every day. I waas so encouraged by your "making God happy" statements. So important to realize that he doesn't care if our laundry piles up if we are just serving him and loving our family...who is our first ministry. love ya!
I have felt that way a lot and to be honest I have been digging myself out of that deep hole for a few years. I used to be "Type A" and have always taken on too much which my body eventually paid for. When my health went bad, I got kind of lazy because I couldn't physically do it anymore. But as I've begun to recover, I've had to add things back slowly otherwise I get overwhelmed. Through that process I have learned that certain things aren't as important as I once thought and I just try to do my best everyday. Even if that means I only get one task done that day. As I prepare for our baby to come, I get a little stressed wondering how I will possibly be able to do it all. But I tell myself to take one day at a time. It's hard for me to not feel guilty or feel like a failure in front of my husband because of how hard he works. I feel like I can and should be more for him, but we each have different strengths and I've realized that I bring things to the marriage that he doesn't. I don't think I will ever be as organized and "type A" as I once was, but that is okay with me because I am a more relaxed individual. Learning to relax and enjoy life has been the best thing for my health.
Post a Comment